If a programming language was a boat…
 

Very good: If a programming language was a boat… !

Something strange tells me they dont like PHP.

PHP should be a cruise ship...or a cigarette boat.

My extentions to it:
Basic


Completely padded form all that is going around it, basic is the easiest language out there. Although it is not capable of going many places, or being in open water, it is simple enough for a 18 month old to use.

Coldfusion (The Titanic)


A giant, expensive, resource hog among laguages. Didn't go far forward before going down.

COBOL (Completely Obsolete Boring Old Language) (canoe)


Has been in use for hundreds of years.

I just giggled when I saw the PHP one.

Lol Village Idiot! Oh boy, I'll have to put my mind to work.

Visual Basic



As time went on you realised it was completely bloody useless.

ASP



You've yet to find any mug who runs an IIS web server.

Javascript



There's always one smug git.

Actionscript



We hope you enjoy the changes we made to Actionscript 3.0.

Haha! Thats great!

Yeah I saw that, it sounds like they despise the language, I wonder if they've coded in it? Haha..

Oh that sucks arse..

PHP one is a lie. The programmer on the bamboo raft probably sucks at PHP. :-/

I like the Ruby boat. I want PHP to be like that :-D, probably by PHP6-7?

I think ASP should be on the Raft, >:D