I really appreciate the lengthy and detailed response. Taking your advice, I've spent the morning with some MySQL and PHP tutorials, and despite my aforementioned hesitation to learn an entirely new facet of web development, I'm actually quite intrigued by the possibilities. I might go so far as saying I'm even a little enthusiastic.

I've downloaded MAMP and WAMP for the Mac and PC I do the majority of my work on, and in a few weeks I should have sufficient enough knowledge to break something beyond repair :)

Thanks again!